Super Fear
Everyone has to be terrified of something, I suppose. Not long ago, in fact, Amy, Jenn, and I had a conversation about what if all of a person's biggest fears combined to form one huge Super Fear. Amy said her Super Fear would involve enclosed spaces and height and the ocean, like maybe being tossed out of an airplane in a coffin which plummeted into the sea. Jenn said her Super Fear was to be stuck under water with the only way of escape being to swim through a ring of fire, then a ring of porcelain dolls, then a ring of clowns. I was unsure what my Super Fear would be, so Amy cleared it right up. "Your Super Fear is being attacked by bears," she said. "No, vampires. No, no, check this out: vampire bears. Your super fear is being attacked by vampire bears. Vampire bears who are like, 'In addition to mauling you and sucking your blood, we're here to tell you Bette and Tina will never get back together!" By that time, I was curled up in a little ball, crying.
Happy Wednesday, friends. What's your Super Fear?
Comments
My Super Fear is being trapped in a pitch black closet with a zombie. A zombie Dane Cook. Who throws bats and spits bees.
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Jesus, Jennie. ::shudder::
Posted by: Jennie! | May 14, 2008 09:17 AM
being abducted by aliens who drown me while forcing me to listen to ann coulter.
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Sometimes listening to Ann Coultor is the same sensation as drowning.
Posted by: kat | May 14, 2008 09:23 AM
In a coffin full of spiders, buried alive.
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Seriously, yikes!
Posted by: doahleigh | May 14, 2008 09:34 AM
In a really hot, dark room with clowns and butterflies and spiders. oh and creepy old men.
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Cousin, no! Do not go into that room!
Posted by: Cousin Candice | May 14, 2008 10:19 AM
Alligators
Drowning
Maybe drowning by being attacked by an alligator
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I thought living in Florida cures gator terror. No?
Posted by: Melissa (Courtney's Mom) | May 14, 2008 10:39 AM
Being swarmed by cockroaches and killer bees while being chased by an army of people with the flesh eating bacteria disease and also they have exploding pus boils and then a volcano explodes and I'm in a plane and it crashes and then I die alone, a virgin. The End.
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Didn't JJ Abrams make a movie about this?
Posted by: Ashley | May 14, 2008 11:21 AM
Probably plummeting from a bridge into a chest-freezer full of knives, surrounded by clowns and/or sports mascots.
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No, no, you've got it all wrong. You could use the clowns or the sports mascots as PADDING. Seriously, we can work with this nightmare.
Posted by: srah | May 14, 2008 11:24 AM
Having to move in with the in-laws ......
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I don't have in-laws, but I know some in-laws, so, yeah, this is terrifying.
Posted by: clare | May 14, 2008 11:27 AM
Being suffocated while having to give a speech in front of a bunch of clowns and mimes. (Shudder, shudder)
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If mimes hate a speech, do they, like, pretend to throw tomatoes?
Posted by: churlita | May 14, 2008 11:53 AM
hmmm...
i suppose having to be stuck in a room, in the dark full of spiders and finding out that everyone I cared about, who could have helped, is gone and I didnt say I love you and then I find out that God isnt taking anyone else into heaven. That? would be a bad day.
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That's like the worst day I ever heard of.
Posted by: sarah g | May 14, 2008 12:07 PM
Tornados....I won't buy a house without a basement! I guess I watched The Wizard of Oz too many times as a child....and also snakes....so I guess my Super Fear would be going into my closet to seek shelter from the tornado and finding a snake there (yikes!!)....GREAT...now I am going to have bad dreams tonight!!!
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I used to be scared of tornadoes, but now Amy and Margaret are positively terrified of thunderstorms so I am the brave one, by default.
Posted by: Beth | May 14, 2008 02:45 PM
Why ever would you fear that Bette and Tina not get back together?? I mean the Laws of Television prove that they have to get back together or else.
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Oh, Heather. So new to the game of Ilene's mind fucks.
Posted by: Heather B. | May 14, 2008 03:24 PM
My super fear is talking about my fears. Talking about them, makes them real.
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Agreed. I don't say "bear" the way some people don't say "Voldemort."
Posted by: Mad William | May 14, 2008 03:53 PM
Having my innermost thoughts attached to a megaphone such that whenever I think something, it's shouted to everyone in the room. THEN having my fly down while I talk to a very respected philosopher about something I claimed I knew, but actually don't.
Also, I'm really high up on a rickety ladder for some reason.
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If ever my innermost thoughts were, in any way, dispatched to a group of people out loud, I would throw myself off that rickety ladder.
Posted by: Pixelation | May 14, 2008 04:03 PM
I have nothing to fear but the fear of the fear of fear itself.
Posted by: peefer | May 14, 2008 09:04 PM
Man, I shouldn't play this game. The only thing I could come up with was something horrible happening to the people I love, and it all being my fault.
Posted by: MikeT | May 14, 2008 10:29 PM