ask Heather Anne
True Story:
(Posted with permission.)
Heather Anne,
Over the holidays I asked my girlfriend to marry me, as I said I wanted to. And she said yes, as you predicted she would. I’ll spare you the details, as I know engagement stories are only interesting to the two parties involved. I did, however, want to take a moment to let you know that your advice worked. My fiancé’s parents were tough nuts to crack, even though I tried all of your conversation suggestions. I even memorized those questions you emailed me. On our third day with her family I was beginning to lose hope. After dinner that night her entire family and I were in the living room enjoying wine and stories, and that is when I decided to put your contingency plan into action. I moved from my comfortable position on the couch and sat on the floor near their dog. Then--and I would have never allowed this had you not promised it would work--I let my fiancé’s parents’ Great Dane lick me full on the face. He slobbered all over me and my brand new cashmere sweater. I smiled and pretended to like it. Immediately the family’s mood toward me shifted, and the next morning I asked her father for her hand in marriage. He said yes. I am so glad that you returned to blogging, and that you are gracious enough to share your wisdom with folks like me. You are invited to the wedding, of course.
Sincerely,
(Someone smart enough to listen to me)
---
Today on The Collective, you tell why you're an asshole.
Comments
You are a super genius.
---
Naw, I just know how pet people are. Because I am pet people.
Posted by: Jennie! | January 11, 2008 11:25 AM
pshaw. you know everything.
or was that jennie!? i'm so confused.
---
No, no. That was Jennie the Wonder Killer.
Posted by: kat! | January 11, 2008 11:29 AM
Can that be my superhero name? Although, it sounds more like a villian, which is also fine.
---
That's a great idea. Peefer can probably help you come up with a costume. His is black and hot pink. But I can't tell you his identity: I might get stripped of my powers.
Posted by: Jennie! | January 11, 2008 11:49 AM
Proof that you are brilliant!
---
If I was brilliant, I wouldn't be waiting six days for a tech to come fix the Internets at my house!
Posted by: Jenn (the not-sister) | January 11, 2008 12:20 PM
Body suit, all dull-grey, full legs, flared bottoms.
Awesome story, Heather Anne.
---
Peefer, you are made of lies and that weird Canadian dish that Kat likes that I can't remember the name of. Your suit is black and hot pink.
Posted by: peefer | January 11, 2008 01:06 PM
so what sorts of other things can we ask you?
---
You can ask me why I'm an asshole.
Posted by: Abigail | January 11, 2008 04:55 PM
oh, also POUTINE.
right, that's what it's called?
i will never eat it.
---
Heeey, I think you're right. (What else is new?)
Posted by: Abigail | January 11, 2008 05:07 PM
You are the woman with all the answers. Are you going to the wedding?
Posted by: churlita | January 12, 2008 01:36 AM
No no no. That was the design for Jennie!'s costume. Now you have to eat poutine twice today.
Posted by: peefer | January 12, 2008 10:15 AM
Dear gawd, just the word "poutine" makes my throat close. Please stop saying it. Or else I may have to ask Jennie! the Wonder Killer to freeze you or whatever it is that she does with her mad, evil super powers.
Posted by: shari | January 12, 2008 12:36 PM
so true, the way to a dog lovers heart is to be friends with their dog first. I however, and a cat person and prefer people (except immediate family) to respect my cats space and not complain if they are allergic to them. :)
Posted by: kassi | January 13, 2008 11:56 AM
So what ever happened to the great and wonderful heather Ann Hogan. I found this crazy web site of her and the Dog. I have wondered How it could be that such great friends wonder apart so far and so fast. why did it go and why haven't I tried before to contact her. just a question.
Posted by: Gwinnetianmatt | January 14, 2008 02:13 PM