Heather Anne

(Stole this. Shocking, I know.)

Ten things you WISH you could say to ten different people.

1. You tried to change everything, and I changed it back. That makes me pretty awesome, and one day you’re gonna know it.
2. If I owned a pirate ship, I would make you captain.
3. I would make you first mate, and you could have a sword!
4. You’re too good for him, just so you know.
5. One time I dreamed I could fly out of my bedroom window like Peter Pan, but when I realized you couldn’t fly with me, I woke up on purpose.
6. If you stepped outside of yourself for two minutes, you would look at the huge absurdity of your situation, and you’d be all, “Whoa, Hoagie, would you change situations with me?” And I’d be like, “No, but now that you see it, why don’t you step back in and access your un-crazy side.” And you’d say, “Absolutely, I will.” But you totally wouldn’t.
7. You smell the same as you’ve always smelled, and I sure wish you didn’t. It would make disliking you a whole lot easier.
8. I would always give you my last cookie, and it kind of makes me sad that you’d never give me yours.
9. You are the only person in the whole world I would allow to borrow my hoverboard. (If I had one.)
10. You know how you think all these things I just wrote are about you? Yeah, none of them are.

Nine things about yourself.

1. I love love more than anyone I know.
2. If I were really, really rich, I would spend half my money philanthropically, a quarter of my money on books and sneakers, and the other quarter on plane tickets! (I would forget to invest any of it.)
3. I’m not as tall as I say I am.
4. I have about a hundred billion Legos.
5. My best quality is that I can laugh at myself.
6. I haven’t always been able to do that.
7. My penmanship is truly horrible.
8. I know in my heart that if I had superpowers, I would be one of the good guys.
9. I am addicted to semicolons and parentheses.

Eight ways to win your heart.

1. Be nice to people. All people.
2. Make me pancakes.
3. Quote lines from my favorite movies, books, poems, musicals, television shows.
4. Be Julie Andrews.
5. Pretend to like my accent.
6. Engage me in any kind of passionate discourse.
7. Show me your geek.
8. Buy me this hat.

(I look like I have elf ears in this picture, and to be honest, I kind of like it.)

Seven things that cross your mind a lot (not in any special order).

1. Where did I put my keys?
2. My wallet?
3. My watch?
4. My iPod?
5. My messenger bag?
6. My hat?
7. My cell phone?

Six things you wish you never did.

1. Lose my keys.
2. My wallet.
3. My watch.
4. My iPod.
5. My messenger bag.
6. My hat.

Five turn offs.

1. Being pretentious.
2. Being close-minded.
3. Being bigoted.
4. Being mean to my dog.
5. Being decaffeinated.

Four turn ons.

1. Words.
2. Words.
3. Words.
5. Laughter.

Three smiles that describe your life.

At first I thought this said three similes that describe your life. Which: better question. It also reminds me of my favorite t-shirt that says, “Similes are like metaphors.” I am not actually sure what this question means, but one time I got free cookies because I smile a lot, and I also have premature wrinkles around my eyes from smiling and squinting. Sometimes, instead of squinting, I read with one eye closed, which would probably look cooler if I was wearing a pirate eye patch.

Wait — what was the question?

Two things you want to do before you die.

1. Touch all the continents with my feets.
2. Get a pair of those pajamas with feets in them.

One confession.

I can’t sleep at night if all my Harry Potter books aren’t lined up perfectly on their shelf.