Heather Anne

Dear Diary,

Today was the second day of The Thanksgiving Miracle in Washington DC.

Abigail and I slept in on account of our boisterous frolic around the city in the middle of the night. The first thing I did when I woke up was to practice the new French cooking vocabulary that Kat taught me last night. First there is roux, which is a thickening kind of sauce thing. Then there is sous chef, which: a) means “impressive number two chef” b) is what I am. And finally, mise en place. Kat says it means that your bowls and (samurai) knives and things are efficiently and ergonomically organized in front of you. Dreamy Seth says it means “get your shit in place.” Either way, cool word.

Abs and I went to Kat’s around lunch time and studied the Thanksgiving recipes. Okay, fine: Kat and Abigail studied the recipes and I played Nintendo. But I am the sous chef. I have assistants who study for me. (Very much like high school Trigonometry, actually.) There was a lot of general excitement in the air on account of Jennie was driving in from Ohio. Every time Jennie texted us, and our cell phones went off in unison, it just got excitinger and excitinger.

I’m on the way, she texted. And we were all, “Yay! Yay!”

I have no idea what state I’m in, she texted. And we were all, “Hooray! Hooray!”

By the time Kat got ready to prepare the turkey, it was like our hysteria had been mixed with a roux; even a Samurai knife would have had trouble slicing through the excitement. Kat is to Thanksgiving Dinner as Hermione Granger is to Potions Class. I mean Kat had a special turkey-cooking pan. She knew how to tie up the turkey wings to keep them from burning. She made her own herb butter to stuff inside the breasts to make them suculent. She stuck her hand right in the turkey's bum and pulled out some sacks of organs. She sliced up some fresh vegetables and put them inside for flavor. It was amazing. And I was her little Neville Longbottom: she let me put the salt and pepper on top.

I went down the street for something and when I came back Jennie was on the phone. Abs said she once was lost! But now she was found! And when (way up high from Kat’s apartment window) we saw Jennie’s little green car pull through the intersection, it really was like amazing grace! (Blind but now we see!) We ran to meet Jennie, and Abigail loved her so much that she laid down in a parking space to save it for her.

Jennie came inside and, Dear Diary, she had a bag that was just chock full of wonder. There were pirate hooks and play dough and musical recorders and a slinky and throwing stars and holy! smokes! ninja swords. To be honest with you, Jennie is the funniest kid on the Internets, and I didn’t think she could maintain that kind of cleverness in person, but boy was I wrong. She made me laugh so hard and long and loud that if she lived near me the neighbors would call the cops on account of the noise! noise! noise! noise!

And you want to know what else about Jennie? Aside from being cute as a panda cub and funnier than anyone in the world, she can also cook! She just jumped right in and started preparing things like maybe in her own home she’s a sous chef, too. (But not in Kat’s home. In Kat’s home, Heather Anne is sous chef.) Also, about Jennie, I have always suspected she was a bit of a genius, and I was right about that also. (Oh, and yes, she does have good diction.)

Jennie told us about her drive in and how some bears almost ate her in Maryland, and I refrained from telling her that I told her so — that bears are the Number One Threat to America — because she seemed genuinely terrified.

The Thanksgiving feast was turkey! two kinds of gravy! mashed potatoes! green bean casserole! stuffing! cranberry sauce! And homemade punkin pie like you have never even tasted in your most erotic dessert dreams. If the whole world stopped what they were doing for five minutes to taste Kat’s Thanksgiving feast, they would forget to pick up their guns after the pie, and all the fighting on earth would just go away.

Abigail gave us all matching pajamas, and the Internets would probably just be sick to death with the cuteness of it all. Lucky for them this is just my own personal diary.

The rest of the night is a little fuzzy for me because Abigail and Seth kept pouring me Vodka shots, and Abigail kept saying, “Just in cases.” And I kept drinking them. I don’t drink a lot, you know, so it is no wonder that when Kat brought out the origami paper to teach us how to make cranes, I had a little bit of trouble with the folding. I kept looking at Abigail all helplessly and she kept rescuing me.

Jennie’s Bag of Wonder made another appearance and we played some serious SpongeBob Uno. There was a lot of consternation over a little thing called The Super Absorbency card, and it made Abigail so mad that I thought she might go directly to the Uno Factory and gouge the owner’s eyes out with a pirate hook. I think overall Jennie was the winner of SpongeBob Uno. But maybe because we were afraid to play the Draw Four on her.

Tomorrow there is going to be sightseeing, plus also burritos. The word you’re looking for? It’s orgasmic.

XOXO

Heather Anne