perfect. so our tragedy is your good luck. satan.
Girl: “The hell?”
Boy: “I stabbed my hand with a screwdriver?”
Girl: “Whatchoo stabbed your hand with a screwdriver for?”
Boy: “I didn’t do it on purpose.”
Girl: “But what have you wrapped it in? Is that… paper towels and… electrical tape?”
Boy: “Coffee filters.”
Girl: “Coffee filters and electrical tape?”
Boy: “Yeah.”
Girl: “Look, we have to take that off. Let me put some Neosporin on it and bandage it properly with gauze and sterile tape.”
Boy: “That’s the woman’s band aid.”
Girl: “As opposed to…?”
Boy: “The man-daid.”
Girl: “The... man-daid?”
Boy: “It’s the way real men bandage themselves.”
Girl: “And by ‘real men’ you mean men that like gangrene?”
Boy: “Oh, who cares about a little gangrene?”
Girl: “You do.”
Boy: “No, I don’t.”
Girl: “You will when your penis falls off.” *
Boy: “Gangrene makes your penis fall off?”
Girl: “Yes.” **
Boy: “Sweet juniper, get this tape off my hand. Do you have any scissors? Please. Scissors. Now. Please. PLEASE.”
Girl: “First say, ‘I’m a pansy, and I want a woman’s band aid.’”
Boy: “I’M A PANSY AND I WANT A WOMAN’S BAND AID!”
Girl: “You won’t regret this; I have a superior selection of Spider-Man, Superman, and Hello Kitty band aids to choose from.”
"SCISSORS!"
"And for you, we're definitely going Hello Kitty."
---
* I don’t actually have a clue what gangrene does.
** Maybe.
Comments
When I guy thinks his penis might fall off, he'll do anything.
I'm assuming.
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I was also assuming. Turns out it was true.
Posted by: Jennie! | October 3, 2007 08:54 AM
I've got pirate band-aids at home. Yarrrr!
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Oooh. I wish I had some pirate band aids. That way I could bandage myself up after I'm forced to walk the plank.
Posted by: srah | October 3, 2007 08:55 AM
I had Incredibles Band-Aids for the longest time, but I was saving them for a special injury occasion, and then they lost their stickiness. So use 'em if you got 'em, I say!
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Oh, man, that stinks. I love The Incredibles. I love Pixar. I love band aids. Man, if you'd mentioned cupcakes, this would have been the best comment ever.
Posted by: Noelle | October 3, 2007 09:43 AM
that girl sounds like the kinda girl i want to hang out with.
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Good. 'Cause you're gonna.
Posted by: kat! | October 3, 2007 10:35 AM
Boys can be so gullible. But then again, you never want to take chances if your penis is going to fall off, so he probably made the right choice.
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Sometimes you have to play the penis card for someone else's safety. Wait - did I say penis card? I need a nap. Hi, Jenn!
Posted by: Jenn (the not-sister) | October 3, 2007 11:07 AM
The best way to make a guy understand something, is to put it into terms he can understand - like his penis falling off. good job.
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Thank you. Does it always work?
Posted by: churlita | October 3, 2007 11:29 AM
Works like a charm, innit? Every time.
I am so glad to see you back, Heather Anne!
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Smita! And, oh, you said, 'innit?' Gosh, am I ever glad to see you. :)
Posted by: Smita | October 3, 2007 11:40 AM
Wow, yesterday I came by on a whim and found... YOU! I am thrilled that we appear to be psychologically connected in that way. And um, as for gangrene and penis amputation, I've heard there is a definite correlation there. Very wise to break out the Hello Kitty band-aid for this one.
Posted by: Caitlinator | October 3, 2007 12:56 PM
I someday want to make a man call himself a pansy and let me slap a Hello Kitty bandaid on him. If I can arrange that this particluar pansy is my ex-husband it would go down as one of the best days in my life ever! If I could convince him in the process that his penis may be about to fall off that would be a sweet unexpected bonus.
Posted by: Bevvy/Beverly | October 3, 2007 04:13 PM
I have Nemo bandaids - Waterproof even!
Posted by: Candice aka Cousin | October 3, 2007 07:18 PM
Behold, pirate band-aids!
Posted by: srah | October 3, 2007 08:25 PM
No WAY! That's awesome! But I hope that "Cars" bandaids work just as well to prevent gangrenous penis-drop-off, because I don't have any Hello Kitty ones, and I DO want grandchildren someday...
Posted by: shari | October 3, 2007 11:46 PM