No one asked you anything ever, so whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull.
Today I was at the fabric store with Amy, because she woke me up from a nap and said she’d buy me some treats if I would get up and go with her. And once she clarified that the treats didn’t have to come from the fabric store, and that by some treats she meant seven treats, I was absolutely in.
We didn’t so much go to the “fabric” store as much as we went to “Wal-Mart,” where they sell both fabric and gigantic bags of Halloween candy.
There was a sign in the fabric department, near the iron-on poodle-skirt poodles that said: DO NOT CUT YOU’RE OWN FABRIC!
And I mocked it.
Amy did not laugh. She thinks there is a special, extra-hot corner in hell for people who laugh at children, the elderly, and grammar mistakes.
“Something bad is going to happen to you if you keep that up,” she told me last time I ridiculed a person’s punctuation.
I was all, “Psh, like what?”
And she was all, “Whatever is the worst thing that can happen to a person. Don’t tempt Fate.”
I scoffed. Because, hello? Marshmallow cream and math already happened to me. What else is there? I’ll tempt Fate all I want.
Hey, Fate, I’ll give you ten dollars if you can outrun that rhinoceros.
Anyway, I came home all smug, and opened up my laptop. And then I had a panic attack. Because my Foxmarks, they were gone. All of them. Gone.
I screamed like a little girl, and hurried to the desktop computer. Nothing.
I don’t know if you’ve ever lost your browser synchronizer, but you know in Rocky IV when Rocky is fighting Ivan Drago, and Ivan picks Rocky up and punches him right in the throat with all 261 pounds of his steroid-swollen bicep? It feels sort of like that.
I ran back to my laptop and quick-Googled “Foxmarks! Gone! WTF!”
Mozilla was all, “Hey, don’t worry; we make five backups of your Foxmarks per day!” But they were also, “Um, because we make so many backups, there’s a chance we’re overriding your non-corrupted backup files with a whole bunch of blank files so (and I quote) you must act quickly, before they are all overwritten." (Emphasis theirs!)
I am happy to say that even though I wailed and gnashed my teeth, I was able to restore my Foxmarks. Which is good. Because otherwise I wouldn’t know how to log into Movable Type. And this blog? Well, it would die like Apollo Creed.
I realize now that my Foxmarks disappeared because Fate has a quid pro quo arrangement with the Internet. From now on I will not make fun of anyone ever. And in return, Fate will leave my One Big Happy Weasley Family bookmark folder alone.
Please forgive me, Fate. Here’s your ten dollars. Sorry about the rhino, but they do have really poor vision, which is obviously to your advantage: you’re a tricky thing to see!
Comments
"If you ever get hurt and you feel that you're goin' down, this little angel's gonna whisper in your ear, he's gonna say, "Get up, you, 'cause Micky loves ya"
Hi, Heather.
Posted by: TWC | October 21, 2007 10:33 PM
But, with whom will I now make fun of grammar mistakes and the (loveable) people who make them???
Posted by: shari | October 22, 2007 12:18 AM
At the bar this weekend, there was a sign in the bathroom for some band that would be playing on SATARDAY. So I stole the sign. Because . . . SaTARDay. What?
---
I'd like a picture of that sign. (And anything else you steal, for that matter.) (Heh.)
Posted by: Jennie! | October 22, 2007 08:30 AM
But... can we still make fun of grammar mistakes on the Internet?
Posted by: ~Tim | October 22, 2007 10:47 PM
I think about grammar mistakes all the time. For example, this morning, as I was driving past a school bus. The print on the back of buses says "Stop When Red Lights Flash," but what they often mean is "Stop While Red Lights Flash," since the point is not merely to anger all the drivers behind it by briefly stopping, but to cease all vehicular movement so as to not squish the schoolchildren as they cross the street and whatnot.
Also, I noted with appreciation that Albertson's changed their signs to say "10 Items or Fewer." And now I can't remember whether that period is supposed to go inside or outside of the end-quote, but that probably has more to do with the extra shot of tequila in my margarita than with my questionable grammar skillz.
Finally, Heather Anne, you should read The Outsiders of 19 Schuyler Place by E.L.Konigsburg (yay!). It's one of the most charming, delightful children's books I've read in a while, and I've been binging on them lately. I think you'll love it. Happy times!
Posted by: Alisa | October 23, 2007 12:08 AM