bridget jones, with Sit Up Britain, looking for the tuna
I dropped Netflix a while back and switched to the Blockbuster All Access Pass because: a) There aren't harsh enough words to describe my feelings about those throttling bastids at Netflix. b) There is a Blockbuster very near my house, very near my favorite sandwich place, so I can trade my movies in and get a Tuna on 7-Grain all at the same time. c) I can get movies mailed to me and get movies in the store, which means I can watch, like, 28 movies a month for ten dollars. d) With the Blockbuster All Access Pass, I get one free package of Swedish Fish per month.
In an attempt to broaden my horizons -- and also to give my Bridget Jones's Diary DVD a rest -- I've been watching a lot of Indie Films lately. It's been good fun. Loads of the movies are subtitled, which means I can rationalize my viewing as Time Spent Reading.
Last night, however, I ran into a small problem.
I was watching this film that was pretty much all in Mandarin, and I had to stop it in the middle because the season finale of Shear Genius was coming on Bravo. Daisy got robbed on the finale, but, you know, whatever. When I turned my movie back on, POOF! the subtitles were gone. I tried everything including swearing at my remote control, but I couldn't get the subtitles back. Well, that's not entirely true, I could get the subtitles in French.
(One time I was trapped at the Dallas-Fort Worth airport because my connecting flight from Los Angeles to Atlanta was canceled. The two women sitting on either side of me on the plane were also stuck, and they were kind of afraid. One was a woman from Australia named Annie, and I loved her immediately because she kept saying "knickers." The other was from Japan, and she didn't speak any English, but she was fluent in Spanish. I used all the powers of my high school Senior Spanish Award to help her reschedule her flight and get to a hotel. The next morning, Annie and the young woman from Japan bought me breakfast. This DVD thing last night was entirely similar. Without the pancakes.)
I tried to watch the movie without subtitles because I really liked it, but I just couldn't infer what was happening from the context clues.
Does anyone know how to fix my subtitles? Or does anyone speak Mandarin? Or does anyone have some extra Swedish Fish?
Comments
Not many people know this, but Chinese is just English upside-down. So just, you know, flip the sound over and you should be able to understand it.
You're welcome.
Hello, Heather Anne.
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I thought if you flip the sound over you get the Beatles singing Satan's lyrics. No?
Posted by: scott | May 31, 2007 03:11 PM
I hate that Dallas layover even you met knicker people and got free pancakes.
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Remember that shoddy hotel the airline put me up in? Blech!
Posted by: Abigail | May 31, 2007 03:12 PM
Mandarin... no. Fixing subtitles... no. Lots of swedish fish because they are the best non chocolate candy ever... YES!!!
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I knew you'd have Swedish Fish, my little pseudo-cousin. I was at Panera last night. Where WERE you? :)
Posted by: Ashlie | May 31, 2007 03:53 PM
get a French dictionary, and then you can REALLY count it as reading.
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French is such a sexy language. I wish I could speak it. And also I wish I could play the guitar. Do you speak-a The French, Kass?
Posted by: Kassi | May 31, 2007 03:55 PM
I can't help you with any of that stuff.
However, I felt similar to that poor Japanese lady on my way to Cyprus one time. A very nice girl in the Zurich airport helped me out. So, on behalf of the Japanese lady, thank you again for being so nice and helpful to people Heather Anne.
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I'll bet you could help eat some Swedish fish, though, couldn't you? Bevvy, tell the truth.
Posted by: bevvy/beverly | May 31, 2007 04:08 PM
I don't know, sorry, But I love Annie and her knickers :)
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Clare, I'm gonna visit you. I need to meet you in real life.
Posted by: Clare | May 31, 2007 04:30 PM
I've been NOTICING this about Netflix, but not so much yet as to get my knickers in a knot and cancel. I'm not at the "bastages!" stage yet, though I anticipate it with great anticipation.
Alas, no Blockbuster near US.
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Knickers in a knot is a fine turn of phrase. Here's a warning, if you call and yell at Netflix, they'll call you back at, like, 3:00 a.m. Which I guess wouldn't be a big deal to you since you wake up at 2:30, but still.
Posted by: Kelly | May 31, 2007 04:30 PM
And Hollywood only offers gefelte fish.
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Um. Don't eat those.
Posted by: Kelly | May 31, 2007 04:31 PM
Swedish fish, are they yummy?? Kelly has sent me to pick your brains on what candy my babies' daddy should bring back from his trans-Atlantic travels?
And you should totally come and visit. But bring sugary treats :)
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Oh, I would definitely bring sugary treats. My sister likes English candy better than American candy. Don't hate me, but I like American candy better. Do you think I could sleep on your couch?
Posted by: Clare | May 31, 2007 04:44 PM
Oh, I just googled Swedish fish! They would do nicely!
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Anne tells me you can get them in a 5 pound bag!
Posted by: Clare | May 31, 2007 04:45 PM
Go back to Blockbuster, pick up some swedish fish, a tuna on wheat, and a NEW copy of the movie. And if they argue with you, tell them you're contacting your lawyer. ;)
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Oh man. I have been wanting to threaten that all my life. Should I pay you like a retainer or something?
Posted by: shari | May 31, 2007 05:16 PM
I wasn't sure if I could help you eat some Swedish Fish as I knew not what a Swedish Fish was. However, after a little time spent on Google, I can say that yes, I would help you eat a lot of Swedish Fish. But not the black ones.
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No way. Never, ever the black ones. Basically the red ones are best. We'll stick to those.
Posted by: bevvy/beverly | May 31, 2007 05:59 PM
Oooh, so that's why Netflix sent me "The Natural" from Texas (snapped in half I might add!)and subsequently took an extra week to get to me in Minnesota...
I just started reading your blog--it's great by the way! :)
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That is EXACTLY why Netflix did that to you. THROTTLING! BOOOO! (And thank you.) :)
Posted by: Megan | May 31, 2007 06:11 PM
I'm actually surprised I haven't had to buy another copy of Bridget Jones.
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Just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts or slightly smaller nose? No, Jennie, I like you just as you are.
Posted by: Jennie | May 31, 2007 06:30 PM
I tried Netflix years ago. When I first joined you could go online when you dropped the disk in the mail and tell them to send you the next one. Then they said they wouldn't send the next one until they received the old one. And I think they still had only one distribution center then so it took over a week to get a new selection. There was a class action lawsuit and they had to offer me a free month or something if I rejoined -- whatever it was, wasn't worth it to me. This throttling just proves again what weasels they are....
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Exactly. And good for you, Tim. Stick it to the Netflix man! (Also, Ron Weasley takes offense when you call people weasels. Maybe we could call them something else.)
Posted by: ~Tim | May 31, 2007 07:25 PM
I also recently got Blockbuster All Access and it freaking ROCKS.
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I KNOW! So. many. movies.
Posted by: Dean Trippe | May 31, 2007 07:39 PM
I speak a little Mandarin, but not enough to help you decipher a movie, pretty much just enough to direct a taxi home after I have been out drinking ^_^...however, what movie was it? I may have seen it.
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So if my movie had been about hailing a cab and getting home while intoxicated you would have been able to translate? That's actually quite impressive, Tobi. :)
Posted by: Tobi | May 31, 2007 08:02 PM
I speak Mandarin AND can read French. It's a shame that doesn't help you much.
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It would help me if you were at my house. I'll be up until midnight. Drop by. My sister stuck an entire tub of Swedish fish in my mailbox this afternoon!
Posted by: zuhn | May 31, 2007 09:16 PM
If swearing doesn't help, I'm lost.
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That's basically my life's motto. I am thinking of making a t-shirt.
Posted by: Mad William | May 31, 2007 09:27 PM
Actually, I have an enormous bag of Swedish Fish right now. Like a FIVE pound bag. No lie. Wanna come over?
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I had no idea you could even GET a five-pound bag. You are my hero for buying that, Anne. And also my hero because we both know how to spell the name Anne correctly.
Posted by: anne | May 31, 2007 09:38 PM